Kejadian

Sedar tak sedar dah sebulan lebih aku tak update. Phewww...nak kata busy sangat, tak la jugak, tapi busy lah jugak. Grin. Apa2 ja lah labuuu. But then, it all coincides with me moving into my new place. Since then, memang sibuk dok tengok rumah ni. Repair segala benda, which, alhamdulillah, dah settled. Now, tinggal nak bayar bil saja hehehehe.

Yes, I love my new home. Mula2 tu cam seram jugak la nak tinggal sorang2. It has always been something of a dream..or was it a fantasy? of mine to live alone. Because I really feel that I can do it. And alhamdulillah, I am now living it out. Of course, awal2 tu, being mindful of all supernatural things that exists on this plane without our mata kasar yg boleh nampak segalanya, ada jugak la terasa seramnya. Esp kalau teringat babak dlm cerita Jangan Pandang Belakang tu kan. Tapi dah lama2 ni, alhamdulillah, so far so good. Even if ada pun any supernatural element, for now, we seem to have striked a harmony of existence. Grin. *itupun selepas aku dah 'naik syeh' after my niece dok nangis ja waktu maghrib memanjang*.

Yang pentingnya, the privacy. But then, ada jugak la masa yg tetiba rasa lonely tu sbb tak ada sapa2 pun kat rumah kan. But I am grateful that my place ni, quite 'cheerful' at night. In the sense that, my small kotak place berdepan dgn the other block, so kiri kanan lampu terang saja. In a way, it helps to alleviate the seramness feeling a bit. Ok la tu kan.

Enough la about the house kan. Sat lagi ada org nak mintak buat housewarming, parah hehehe. Esp since don't have that much budget left for things like that. Nantilah, slow-slow. As I kept on saying, my house is always open, sapa nak mai, mai saja la, just give me a call.

By the way, the last week, my car broke down in the middle of the road kat Jalan Duta, near bulatan segambut. Sheeshhh. All due to the radiator. Walhalnya Papa baru ja check last weekend. Tu yg heran tuh. Of course la, got an earful from my Director when he heard it masa staff meeting on Friday.
"you think the car has a life of its own?"
"you don't think that car too gets hungry and need to be fed?"
aiyyoo I tell you. What else can I do except to just grin and bear it right? Kena hentam kiri dan kanan takpa lah, it was worth it because at the end of it, I was given a pat on the back for a job well done. Alhamdulillah hehehehe.

One glaring lesson I learnt from that experience is, of course, kena la belajar sikit pasal kereta kan. Well, I guess it took me a while to get used to taking care of my own car back, after a hiatus of several years. Dulu2 masa kat Melaka I memang buat semuanya. Tapi after my dad took over, I guess the habit was stubborn hehehe. When you let someone take over something, you do tend to rely just on that person and continue life blissfully ignoring it. Not any longer. Bit by bit the old knowledge is coming back. *some would say, elok la, dah kena whack major, huge schmoop like that baruuu nak recall eh? lol* Tak apalah. It was meant to happen, it happened. But aside from that, it was also made obvious to me that for all the bravado I tried to show, for the first time I saw the benefit of having a guy around. *sticking her tongue out*. Yessirreee. Itulah satu2nya masa yg baru aku terpikir, so this is what a guy is good for. Lol. Jgn salah sangka, aku bukannya ultra feminist *half kot hehehe*. Tapi the fact that I was brought up by a father with two daughters, me being the eldest, I had to be resourceful, resilient and reliable all at the same time. In fact, there are times I felt like I should've been born a son rather than a daughter. Eh, bukannya aku tak bersyukur dilahirkan seorang perempuan. Aku bangga menjadi seorang wanita, tapi ada la jugak masa2nya bila rasa yg org lelaki ni lengai, kita yg perempuan la pulak yg ambik alih tugas kan...oopss tu dah melencong ke lain dah tu. Sorry, I digressed. Sengih.

Anyhow, back to the topic, what I'm trying to say is, during this time when I'm purposefully remaining date-less and boyfriend-less, it would be good to have someone to rely on, preferably, of the opposite sex. For SOME situations yeah. Not all. :P. But as I said, am not in a hurry. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, I'll just find something to occupy my mind.

As to my next project, the house takes top priority. Some ppl may feel like they want to paint the house first before they move in. Tapi aku ni terbalik. Dah masuk duduk rumah baru terasa mcm nak paint the house hehee. Itupun after getting some ideas. Nantilah, nak experiment pun kena tengok factors dulu. With money being the biggest.

Otherwise, life is so far, just dandy. Liking it and loving it :).

Kelam
Pemandanganku yang semakin kelam
dimamah usia yang mengejar
hari demi hari

Sebu
Akalku memikirkan, bilakah ia akan bernoktah
menemui destinasi
ataukah mungkin
semuanya akan kekal fantasi

Penat
ku mengheret perjalananku
ke sana ke mari
walaupun begitu, ku gagahi jua
kerana hidup ini berputar
tanpa dipinta

Sepi
ku memandang sekeliling
melihat pasangan
dalam setiap segi
akan tetapi
aku masih sendiri

Cinta
adakah kau akan menjelma di dalam hidupku lagi
tapi apakah manifestasimu
kali ini, akan membawa bahagia
atau duka?

Kasih
yang tak terhingga kepada keluarga
sanggup ku korbankan diri ini
membela mereka
tidak ingin aku kehilangan mereka lagi
ku abadikan kasih ini di jiwa
ku curahkan baja
agar ia mekar
tidak layu

Lapar
seperti perutku
yang baru sahaja berkeroncong
menjerit "dah la hang tak makan breakfast, takkan nak skip lunch pulak!!"
aiseyy

oklah on that note I end this sajak main2 hehehehe
time to go hunting for food :P

Salacious tidbits

It just occurred to me to search back for that old tune by Sugababes that I used to love so much this morning. *dlm berebut buat kerja tu pun still ada time gak tuh nak cari music!!*. Voila! Found it! and happily added it to my playlist on Winamp. Easy peasy.

And then, as I sang along to the lyrics and music, it just struck me. I may not be in the same situation, but looks like I'm going to, hmmm. *and I had promised myself not to fall so easily too*. Anyway, someone gave me the advice to just take it easy and enjoy the ride. Yeah right!!. But, on the pretext of not appearing to be too stubborn, I will follow that sage advice, since it was given by THAT person. Although, truth be told, I was just itching to reply with an endless barrage of questions that may just make THAT person cringe and hide somewhere for weeks!! Lol.

Ok, enough of the cryptic code. Grin. It will not mean much to anyone, except to me and to my really good friend in this whole wide world, N. And I would just like to say, N, thanks for going on the frontal attack. Grin. The fort is still holding for now, but the cracks are showing hehehehe.

Anyhow, this week has been a pretty busy week for me. In so many ways.
After weeks of suspense, THAT person showed up. Not much difference anywhere except THAT person looked a bit chubby. To quote my 2nd in command, it was an information-rich session. *Snickers*. Well, I'd say it could be much richer if not for the fact that I held at bay some of the more, important, loaded knowledge-sharing, millions-value information. On purpose. Good strategy huh? Don't give all yet. Wait for the opportune timing. *Dan skrg ni, aku lak yg mcm cacing kepanasan, adehhh, padan muka, nak berstrategi lagi*.

Then the next day, again, saw THAT person, along with Aya. Aya's very perceptive. I don't have to ask to know that she'd caught on hehehehe. Suffice to say, THAT person has a lot to learn still....oh yes. Grin.

And then, a rollercoaster week whereby the days just zipped by like a rocket. All because of my anticipation for the weekend.
And now, weekend has arrived.
Tomorrow, a new chapter will begin in my life.
I will finally, achieve that full independence and freedom that I have always dreamed of.
Onwards to a new place. A new life.
And let's hope, it will bring THAT someone in too. Grin.

Time passes by...

Makkkk aiiii....tetiba terasa terpanggil pulak malam ni nak update my blog yg dah lama terbiar dan neglected ni. Kesian blog ni. Mcm dianak tirikan la pulak kan, semenjak berkecimpung dlm FB nih hehehehe. Well, takda la dianaktirikan..cumanya mood nak menulis panjang lebar tu agak kureng sikit disebabkan oleh beberapa faktor.

Antara penyebabnya ialah, aku jatuh sakit beberapa minggu yg lepas. Masa tu, berita pasal flu *toot* itu dah tersebar, jadi bila keluar status aku kat FB tu, ramai lerr yg dok menyapa suruh pegi check betul2 and make sure aku ni selamat dari jangkitan wabak tu. Iskkk kalau ya pun, tengok la dulu...dah berzaman aku tak menjejakkan kaki ke Yu Es of Ay itu. And Mexico pulak, jgn harap laa langsung, esp bila passport dah expired dan tak direnew kan lagi semenjak 2 tahun yg lepas. * punya laa pemalasnya aku kan, pastu skrg menyumpah diri sendiri sbbnya, tahun lepas masa jadi OKB buat sementara waktu, rasa mcm nak keluarkan duit nak pegi renew tu seperti satu pembaziran jerr sedangkan aku boleh guna duit tu utk benda2 lain. skrg bila dah jadi fafa mim ya sin kaf ya nun balik, walaupun takdak la ke tahap gaban gitu, tapi lagiiiii laaa susah utk aku nak renewkan sbb dah sah-sah duit tu better spent elsewhere!!*. Akan tetapi demam ni memang mencabar keimanan jugak laa sbb time tu lah demam, time tu lah jugak nak angkat bendera Jepun. Dugaan mental sungguh hebat sekali!! tak caya?? cuba laa buat bagi demam time hormon jumping up and down tapi terbalik!!. Jadinya kalau nak update blog ni, alamat bubur cha-cha la jadinya sbb otak takleh nak focus.

Lepas tu, ditambah dgn stress yg dicreatekan sendiri dek rumah baruku yg still tak masuk2 lagi lol. Apa lak tak stress, kepala pusing dok pikir mana aku nak korek duit nak buat renovation yg perlu utk syurga baruku tuh. *lagi sekali menyumpah diri, dasar lupa daratan, bila dah OKB haritu, taknak berjimat cermat...ehh ada la jimat gak, tapi duit skrg ni mcm air, lajuuuu jerrrr dia mengalir, bila bukak MB2U tuh, cam nak nangis pun ada, nak ketawa pun ada, tapi for sure, sewel kejap lerr mcm tak caya itukan balance acc aku ahaks*. Tapi, alhamdulillah, Tuhan itu Maha Penolong lagi Pengasih. Aku rasa Dia nak bagitau kat aku, yg aku ni, sebab for a few years jadi anak derhaka kan, jadi, untuk nak menebus kederhakaan aku itu, aku telah disubjectkan punishment segala benda skrg ni, aku kena refer kat family. Not that I'm complaining since my lovely daddy dgn berbesar hatinya telah bertindak menjadi sponsor utk segala-galanya. Well, takda la for everything gak, at least peti ais, washing machine dgn aircond tu aku yg punya. Tapi itu jer lah harta aku hehehee.

Selain daripada tu, apa benda sgt yg aku nak update pun...kisah pasal boyfriend memang sah takdanya sbb aku skrg ni memang menjauhkan diri dari segala topik yg berkaitan. Kalau setahun yg lepas aku akan kembali menjadi playgirl dgn jayanya, kali ini aku banyak menghabiskan masa dgn me, myself and I. ahaks. Eh, dan tak lupa, dgn familyku. *kan aku dah cakap, ni semua utk menebus episod kederhakaan dan kedurjanaan aku dahulu*. Nak kata aku baca buku pun, buku semua dah khatam...tinggal Al-Quran tu jugak yg belum ku khatam *errksss, dah la itu KPI aku utk tahun ni, kalau mid year review, sah hancusss*. But since dah bukak topic boyfriend ni kan, aku rasa skrg ni aku mmg banyak berubah. I think I am slowly able to master and control my erratic emotions yg selalunya membuatkan hidup aku jadi huru-hara *and come to think of it, rasanya itu penyumbang utama kepada kisah2 cinta tak jadi aku sebelum ini*. Itu pasal skrg ni aku memang cool ice ice baby jaa dgn semua. In front of them laa...tapi bila aku sorang2, kalau dah nak terexcited bila tengok ada sms dari org itu tu, terexcited jugak...tapinya beza dulu dan skrg, kalau dulu, aku melayang jauh ke kayangan berbulan tak turun pijak tanah..skrg ni, melayang paling lama pun 10 minit. Lepas tu, hempap jatuh mcm nangka busuk. On purpose. Lol. Nak idopp babeee....u do what u gotta do aight?

Lagi reason kenapa aku dah lama tak update? Kehabisan topik yg menarik. Kalau nak kutuk org pun, aku prefer to kutuk face to face...well..err...albeit, face to face dgn geng laa hahahahaha. * nak mampus carik pasal mcm tuh??? mau kena siat kerat 18!!*. Lagi pulak skrg ni, ada seseorang tu yg menjadi fav topik kitorang anyam ketupat sbb lately ni, ada2 jerrr pasal yg ditimbulkan. Pulak tu, seronok dok tengok org atasan meng'whack'kan sama dia. *sesungguhnya aku ini belum sempurna!!! astaghfirullahal'adzim....tapi nak buat mcm mana, mmg aku sakit hati dgn seseorang itu tahap gaban!!! tapi selepas mendengar colleague aku berceramah kata2 hikmat Robin Sharma, aku cuba menukar sifat jahat itu, instead of maki hamun dia dlm kepala hotak aku, aku doakan agar dia insaf...harap2nya dia akan insaf lah...kalau dia tak insaf, aku doakan dia dapat benda yg pelik2 masa kat Tanah Haram nanti...erkkkk oopsss...terlepassss...sah aku kena solat taubat lepas nih!!* *dasar sakit hati kannn....takda la sakit hati sgt...tapi gerammmm ya amatt*

Ni yg boleh membuatkan aku teringat nak mengupdate blog ni pun aku pun tak tau. Tetiba jer hari ni bila masuk ofis, aku teringat blog aku. Mcm dipanggil2 gitu utk mengupdate. Lepas tu bukak pulak blog reading aku kan...makanya, jari ni sesungguhnya amat gatal sekali untuk menaip perkataan2 yg selain dari yg berunsurkan pengurusan strategik!!. So apa lagi...follow the path!!!

Of course, kalau aku nak typekan satu persatu segala kejadian yg berlaku since the last time I update sampai skrg, sah2 malam ni aku takkan tidoq. Tapi there are some things which words just cannot describe. Aku rasa aku ni mcm master jugak la bab2 perkataan nih, tapi there were some incidents yg memang aku tak dapat nak ungkapkan dgn apa jua bentuk sekalipun. Biarlah kejadian itu menjadi rahsia antara aku dgn org2 yg berkaitan. Sesungguhnya hanya mereka yg memahami akan isi hati aku diwaktu itu.

Oklah, alkisah konon malam ni aku nak tidoq awai. Last2, dah sebelas setengah lebih pun still tak tidoq lagi. Hmmpphhh....

Apa-apa pun, I'm glad and thankful for all that has happened and the people who has stuck by me all through these years.

To my good friend Ina, 9 more days babe...a new life is beginning. As for me, my new life begins every morning hehehehe. Because u just never know what ur going to get each and every day. Another one of my Robin Sharma-inspired insights.

You!!!!

The last time I saw you was 2 years ago.
You had a cold look on your face.
You didn't even smile at me.
Didn't even say anything.

Just passed me my book and you went away.
I was left there, stunned, speechless.
No reason, no words, no nothing.
Didn't even know what the reason was.
I felt utterly bereft.
Pain flooded but I managed to stab it from flowing freely.

In a time of uncertainty, you were the beacon that I hung on to.
And you were there...when I needed a respite.
Until you left.

And today, you're back.
Just as if you'd never left.
With a proposition.
What do I answer?
Yet you gave me no other choice except to say yes.

But why?
Why now?
Why me?

Jalan-jalan

Last 2 weekends pegi ke Cameron Highlands bersama family. Seronok tu memang seronok sbb seumur hidup tak pernahnya naik ke Cameron tu. At least my sister dia 2 kali dah naik ke sana, my dad pun sekali. My mom, naik dgn my sister waktu rombongan sekolah. Anak dia yg sulung ni jer, entah cammana boleh tercicir tak dapat nak pegi ke sana. So kiranya hajat dah lepas dah la ni kan hehehe.

Alkisahnya, masa naik tu, bertolak dari Tg. Malim pun dah kol 6 lebih, so bila sampai ke Tapah tu, dah dekat maghrib. Papa pulak dok asyik suruh tengok belakang check my sister dok ikut ke tak. Makanya, waktu panjat bukit tu, belum sampai half way, aku pun dah mula la mabok. Mula2 tu ingat pening2 lalat jer. Sbb nak kata tak makan, makan gak masa on the way to Tg. Malim tuh. Maybe combination of factors kot, jalan bengkang bengkok, it was nighttime, I am motion stability-challenged jugak...soo, in the end, that pening tu translate into a full scale vomit. I think, tak pernah I had that kind of situation selama dah besar ni. Ever. Pulak tu, bapakku yg tercinta tak dapat nak stop because he couldn't gauge how far the road was *tip, nak amik driver utk long distance ni kena cari yg jenis cool and relaxed type of driver...like me!! hahahaha, amik yg temperamental, jenis betul bendul like my dad, payahhh, dia cepat jerr nak get frustrated!!*. Anyhoo, last2, nasib baik ada spare plastic bag, quite a large one, so, yours truly pun menguwekkan diriku ke dalam that plastic bag. And guess what? Penuhhhh satu beg plastik tuuu. *gross factor lol*. Makanya, the remaining journey naik ke atas tu, I had to wind down my side of the window, because as soon as I winded it up, I can smell my own puke. *eeewwwwww, yeah, not healthy at all*. Weird thing was, mama tak complain la pulak berbau. *sahih deria bau dia dah malfunction*. And Pappy also didn't complain anything *org tua tu cukup sensitif pasal hal2 bau-bauan nih, tapi that night, langsung tak sound pun, so I guess my tactic worked! hehehe*. Sudahnya, sampai ke Ringlet, tersalah lak masuk jalan, tapi sempat laa berhenti kejap for about 10 mins. I used that time to recompose my singing tummy to calm it down, with the help of a very, very healthy dose of Axe oil. Sudahnya, masa nak start the journey balik, baru Papa sound kata, kalau jauh lagi, dia pun nak join my club hahahahaha. *or maybe that's his way of telling me he also dah tak immune with the smell of my puke? hmmmm*.

The only good part was that the whole journey, we were blanketed by drizzling rain, which at times, proved to be precarious jugak la because more than once, the car almost skidded to the opposite lane, luckily for us, there were no vehicles on the other side of the road. And the whole time, dalam aku dok uwek uwek mcm tu, I recited doa yg dah memang sebati with me in times such as that, sampai la we reached Ringlet tu, because after that, the bengkang bengkok was lesser and I didn't feel like puking so much. *elok la, I think I literally emptied my whole tummy of the previous meal, morning's breakfast and the previous 2 days punya makanan judging from the bag, which by the way, I held next to my leg the whole journey and THAT kept me warm* *anyone wants to gag, dipersilakan muahahahahahah*.

And the whole time, Pappy went yada yada yada....at times I felt like asking him to keep quiet. Which I think I did. In a very diplomatic, non-threatening way of course. Because after that he kinda stopped asking me to look behind searching for my car which my brother-in-law was driving. *Jgn mareee, 8 year old Proton Saga aeroback climbing up to Cameron Highland, not a bad feat eh!* And when we reached Tanah Rata, I heaved a sigh of relief, only to be told that the Villa Dahlia which we are renting, was at Brinchang. I thought it would still be a long way up, only to find out that it's just 5-10 mins drive away. Phewwwwww. Sesampai saja di sana, I just took myself out of the car. And emptied the bag to the nearest drain. Pening pun dah reda although it still whizzed around in my head, tapi yg penting tummy dah stabil. Dinner pun I ate only just a very small serving, bihun goreng pun just ambil satu sudu besar, while the nasi, memang kecik la servingnya. Minum only plain water ja that night, dah la takdak panadol or whatever, so, Axe oil to the rescue again!. And terus tidoq sampai ke pagi.

Bangun esoknya, baru la lega. Which was good because it would be no fun if I were to run around not well, dah la baru first time datang tuh, pastu kena mcm tu pulak tu. And for the next two days, I revelled in drooling upon the sight of rows after rows of green vegetable patches and neatly lined tea bushes. Caution though, kalau jenis low tolerance of caffeine *yes, tea have it too though minimal compared to coffee*, like me nih, even tea pun tak boleh minum banyak2. I had only one cup of teh tarik on Saturday, that time visit the Boh Tea center at Sg. Palas estate, itupun balik dah kepala buzzing like no one's business *tapi boleh gak lagi memasak dinner tu hehehe*, and the next cuppa, at the other Boh estate at Habu. Enough for me because the whole way down back to Tapah, I felt the familiar queasiness in my tummy, though this time I managed to have it stayed down in my tummy. And the dizziness was buzzing hazily around the periphery, so I concentrated very hard on the lovely view down the road, which helped a lot.

So, conclusion, despite the uwek episode, I enjoyed Cameron Highlands thoroughly, vowing to myself I will come up again one of these days *let's hope!*. Plus, next time nak naik, jgn lupa bawak all the ingredients to memasak i.e. salt, kicap, sos and whatever else u usually use to cook. We forgot to bring those so terpaksa membeli kat one of the mart there. I would go up again, if only to pick the delicious strawberries hehehehe.

Moral of the story, next time traveling, ANYWHERE, jgn lupa bawak panadol and set2 yg berkaitan dengannya. Grin. You never know when it may come in handy.

Bila hati dah terbuka....

Yesterday, masa kat luar, tetiba terpandang pada kelibat tubuh seorang perempuan. Sungguh sopan sekali pemakaian beliau. Sejuk mata memandangnya....selepas beliau melintas lalu, aku terpikir sendiri. Masuk dalam lif, masih memikirkan lagi. Alangkah bagusnya jika aku dapat mencapai ke tahapnya.

Seketika, aku terasa air mata bergenang di kelopak. Aku masih banyak yang perlu diperbaiki. Dari segi aurat, aku masih belum betul2 boleh berkata yang aku menutup aurat sepenuhnya. Masih ada unsur-unsur kejahilan yang masih menebal didalam hati yang belum dapat ku nyahkan dari diri. Dan aku teringat kata-kata seorang teman.."Aku ingin masuk syurga...". Beliau selalu diketawakan bila mengungkapkan ayat sedemikian. Ketawa yang tidak mahu ku selami makna yang sebenarnya. Akan tetapi, aku selalu berpikir...semua kita mengucapkan mahu masuk ke syurga. Tapi adakah kita benar-benar berusaha ke arah itu? Contohnya seperti aku sendiri. Acapkali kita sering utarakan alasan, kita hanya manusia, tidak pernah lari dari kesilapan. Akan tetapi, kenapakah kita tidak pula mahu belajar dari kesilapan? Kenapa selalu alpa? Sedangkan kita boleh tidak alpa. Memang kita tidak sempurna. Tapi, kenapakah kita mengambil secara lewa soal tentang syurga? Soal tentang agama?

Aku tidak mahu menyentuh sesiapa. Itu adalah hak kalian. Tapi bagi aku, walaupun aku juga sering mengutarakan ungkapan tersebut, tetapi, sementelah itu, baru ku sedar. Aku masih mengambil secara lewa tentang perkara ini. Jika dahulu, aku sering menidakkan jika ditanya, adakah aku akan berani mengambil langkah sedemikian? Memakai jubah sahaja dan berpurdah. Ataupun, jika tidak berpurdah, akan tetapi memakai pakaian yg sudah tentunya ketara berlainan dengan pemakaianku sekarang. Hati kecilku menangis bila ku sedari akan perkara ini. Lantas, aku teringat ketika aku di Tanah Haram satu waktu yang dahulu. Betapa ku rasa nikmatnya, diiringi ketenangan yang tidak dapat kugambarkan pabila disekelilingku, tiada pemandangan yang 'menyakitkan'.

Adakah ini bermakna...hatiku sedang dibuka olehNya? Adakah ini titik permulaannya? Mungkinkah ini suatu pengurniaan dari Dia keatas doa ibuku di waktu dia sihat dahulu? Dan kenapakah hatiku merasa hiba apabila memikirkan perkara ini? Adakah aku akan sanggup memikul segala cabaran yang bakal ku tempuhi? Adakah aku mempunyai kekuatan yang diperlukan?